Max was killed 1,346 days ago. That is nearly 4 years ago. Grieving his death now looks so different than it did in the beginning. Dealing with things I didn't even *think* of.
Wesley's fiance is grieving the fact that she will never meet Max. Wesley is grieving the fact that his children will never play with their "Uncle Max". Yes, they will know "of" him because of the pictures and the stories we will continue to tell, but that just isn't the same. Max's fiance is still single and has finally come to the realization that it truly is better to have loved and lost than to not have known love at all.
And with Wesley's engagement came all sorts of crazy emotions for this mama. Wondering if Max & Trinity would have kids by now. Knowing that Max should have been married first, but he never got the chance to be a husband or a father. Grieving that my house will truly be empty once Wesley marries and starts his own family with Sammie.
There are actually many days in a row that I do not cry now. I didn't think that was possible at the beginning of this horrendous journey. Trinity & I were discussing how the pain of his death gets intertwined with "him" and when we finally start turning loose of the pain, it somehow feels like we are letting him go too. (Which we know is not true, but that is how it feels).
Grief changing temperature, changing shape, but never completely leaving us.
No comments:
Post a Comment