I am numbering my blog entries for the retreat I just finished this weekend because if I attempted to put *everything* I gained from this weekend in one blog, y'all would stop reading after the first 13 paragraphs!!  The name of the weekend is 'Spark of Life' and the motto is 'Living Forward'.  This retreat at a fantastic bed & breakfast in Texas was COMPLETELY FREE ... that's right ... no charge.

I will confess to you, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of living forward without Max until I got to this weekend.
Certainly each step I have taken to heal is part of that ... I just had no idea the amount of unfinished emotional business I was carrying with Max himself that needed to be completed.  My goal all along is HOW DO I LEAVE THE PAIN OF MAX'S DEATH BEHIND WITHOUT LEAVING *MAX* BEHIND!  I learned this weekend EXACTLY HOW to do so.

This intense, three day "grief boot camp" taught me the steps to identify and complete unfinished emotional business with *any loss* including with Max.   I now carry a very powerful tool in my utility belt!   When I read that the retreat was free of charge, I wondered what the catch was.  The "catch" is that you will be digging deep inside yourself and your pain ...it is hard work!  I have heard that when you can focus on the "life" of your loved one and not their "death", you know you are healing.  Oh I wanted that so badly, and have been working toward that for sure, but it seemed like an endless process ... truly endless.  (It's NOT by the way)

Let me share just one more observation about the entire process before closing for today .... that unfinished emotional business laying unidentified was causing me GREAT PAIN which was blinding me from seeing the good that I can continue carrying forward about Max.  I could not fully smile when I thought of Max without feeling the stab in my gut ... but today I woke up and realized ... I can FULLY SMILE ... for real ... when I think of my son ... NO STAB.

Stay tuned ... I will share a bit of each piece of the puzzle from "Spark of Life" with you all week long so you can get a glimpse into the healing that is truly out there.   Want to check it out for yourself, see the website - http://www.sparkoflife.org/.