Friends

I feel incredibly *blessed*.  The network of family and friends who have rallied around me since Max died is truly amazing.   On Max's birthday, I literally had to turn my phone off because it rang all day long with people checking in on me.  I had over 100 FB postings and messages.  Many people sending up prayers for me.  A parade of people coming and going at my house, taking Wesley out for lunch, for coffee, for chess, bringing us things.  They literally saved the day for me.  

Friendships are a struggle for many grieving parents.  I confess, I have withdrawn from some friendships since Max died.  Those who understand that grief is a deeply inward process keep reaching their long arms into my life and won't let go.  Instead of telling me to call if I need anything, they call me and say "I am bringing over dinner for tonight".  Instead of worrying that I am not healing fast enough, they find things to do for me until I discover healing on my own.   Instead of wondering when I am going to call them to do anything, they call me and bring the fun to me!  I had no idea how long I would be incapacitated with grief.  I needed so much help for so much longer than I would have ever believed!  At least for the first six months!  I used to think if I took a meal some time around the funeral, that is all that needed to be done.  Not with the death of a child.  Not even close!

I have seen friends back away because it's too hard to handle.  Even those that I consider true friends.  I have learned the hard way that not all friends are cut out to walk in deep grief.  It's not that they don't love me and I have finally learned to stop taking it personally.  It has more to do with them than me.  Or their lives are just too busy and they can barely keep up with their own issues!  I am not afraid to distance myself from those friends, because that is just not what I need right now.  I have been told by other grieving moms that those friendships eventually come back.  I hope so.

I have seen many more reach out.  All the little ways matter as much as the big.  A text, reading a grief book so they can understand what we are feeling, a card in the mail, remembering those important dates, commenting on my FB posts when I put out something regarding my grief.  Grocery shopping for me, offering to run an errand, bring a meal, run a dust rag through my house.   Offering to go to the cemetery with me!  Asking me questions about my grieving process.  Sharing a memory of Max.

One of my friends put it like this - "there is always space for your grief in our friendship".  It isn't what we always talk about, but I know it's safe to share those deep things with her.  I get understanding and tears, rather than shallow conversation and avoidance.   Thank you.

Out of necessity, I reached out to many other grieving moms through Compassionate Friends, both here on facebook and in the real world.  I have spent time getting to know their families and their child who died so that I can support them as well as they helping me.  These friendships are *so important*.  I have worked hard to cultivate these friendships because we need each other!  The compassionate friends motto is "we need not walk alone".  Thank God that is true.  Even if every friend from before your child died falls away, you can always turn to a compassionate friend for understanding.

I believe this season of my life is preparing me to be a better friend in the future.  Even *today*, over 10 months after Max's death, a friend offered to bring us a meal.  YES, thank you.  Thank you all for being a part of my blessings.