Birdhouse Project

Took a three hour class today and built a birdhouse!  Not any ordinary birdhouse - the birdhouse project!  One of the guys presenting talks about turning sorrow into power ... I *love* that idea!  After Max's death, I have dealt with more sorrow than I ever knew a human could live through ... turn it into power?  MAN, the changes that would take place in the world ... but how about just MY world?  Talk about empowering!!

"The Birdhouse Project is a step by step project to help us identify and find our way back to life after loss or crisis.  By seeing how these wooden pieces represent the pieces of our lives, we can express our weaknesses, strengths and desires as we symbolically rebuild our lives."  That is straight off their website.

So I started with my foundation piece ... obviously, each person has to decide for themselves what is on their foundation.  What do I still have after a twister goes through my life and metaphorically or literally wipes away the life I have?  What do I have that nobody can take away ... for me, there are five things on my foundation piece ... my relationship with God, my belief in eternal life through Jesus, my grit & determination, my organizational skills, and music.  There are no people in my foundation because people can be taken away from me - even those most dear like my husband, my children, my parents.  This widely varied for the participants, many of them did have friends and family on their foundation piece.

Next is the wall piece of crisis.  I heard over and over today that the event that put me in crisis is in the past and cannot be changed.  This is a huge truth.  I think for a very long time after Max died, I felt like I was living one continuous event beginning with when the police showed up at my door continuing day by day by day.  I didn't try to break it down into one event and then life moving on ... but in truth, that is what happened.  So the wall of crisis, I wrote the questions and emotions I am still struggling with.   Obviously, the crisis was Max's car wreck that caused his death.  The notes on my crisis wall include fighting against despair, anger at the unfairness of life, cooperating with allowing the maximum good to come of his death rather than fighting against it, and the loss of the feeling of safety and security.

The next wall piece is regret.  It has taken me months of grief counseling and "what if" to be able to truly say I have no regrets.  TRULY.  I did the best I could at the time.  PERIOD, SERIOUSLY.  Are there things I wish I had said or done differently - yes.  But do I count those as regret - no.

Then the back wall of the bird house is the affirmation piece.  It gives you something positive to focus on.  Today my affirmation statement is Psalm 27:13 - "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."  I have touched on this before, that after Max died I did not believe this right away, I thought I would only have peace and happiness again when I moved on to eternity, but not here on this earth because my family, my life, would never be whole again.  But this assurance from God's word promises me that I *will* see the goodness of the Lord in spite of my loss.

The front wall is goals.  Measurable, do-able.  I made extremely small goals for myself at this stage of my grieving process, but they are a huge focus change for me.  The first is walking each week day, which I am doing most of the days anyway.  The second is to work with a client once a week on my own (I did this for the first time last week and discovered I can still do it!)  And third, start reaching out to friends that have fallen by the wayside since Max died and find out what is going on in *their* life.

Shelter is the largest piece of the birdhouse.   What people or commitments depend on my to provide them with a safe space?   For me, this was easy - Wesley, my family, my "group" of friends (babechicks/breadheads), my two co-workers and my business, and cultivating & growing my relationship with God.

Then there is the trust perch, that is nailed in.  I wrote on each piece, then literally nailed my birdhouse together with the words facing inside.  Felt good to pound the nails!

I look forward to going home, reading the book that comes along with the project, and decorating the outside of my first birdhouse.  I'm sure as my grief journey progresses, I will make more birdhouses. The class took three hours, and I *highly* recommend it.  A beautiful step in healing.  The people in the birdhouse project are *very* passionate and obviously called in to this mission of helping people pick up the pieces of their lives and build something positive.  I was *blown away* and so impressed by the team that presented.

Once I get my birdhouse decorated, I will post pictures and add a pic to this note, hopefully later this week.