What Can You Do? MANY THINGS

After reading nearly every grief book out there,  I feel well versed on what "to do" and what "not to do" for a grieving person.  But I forget that most of the population has never read a grief book!   Never having death visit my household before, I confess I was very ignorant about what people need after losing someone very close to them.  I used to think if I sent a sympathy card, and attended the funeral, and maybe took over a meal - well, I had done what needed to be done.  Checked off my list and moved on.  If they seemed to be struggling too far after the funeral, I would think to myself that maybe they needed counseling.  NEVER would it enter my mind to take a meal six months after someone had died.  Sadly, the week of the funeral only begins scratching the surface of what a grieving person needs.  Grieving people are very self-absorbed ... the pain is all they can handle, sometimes for months and months after the death.

I sat and had tea with a friend today who asked how she could help ... so I decided to make a short list for anyone else who is asking that same question.  I have been *so* blessed with people who continue to reach out and help our family.  Please don't think this is a self-serving list ... it can be applied for anyone you ever know that loses a close loved one.  It has been nearly six months since my son was killed in a car crash, and there are still many ways we appreciate help.

• Check up on them frequently!  Call them, send them a card, send them a text, drop by.  There are days I still do not have the strength or the will to pick up the phone if I need a friend.  I *so* appreciate those who reach out to me and are not scared of our deep pain.
• Make them a meal ... even months and months after the funeral.  There are so many hard days and food is something that will always get used.
• Cry with them.  Nothing shows me that my son mattered to someone more than if they are willing to share tears with me.
• Go to the grocery store for them or with them.  This is a *huge* need that I see in the grieving parents that I speak with.  There are literally dozens of things that bring tears or anxiety in a grocery store.
• Offer to go with them to the cemetery.
• SHARE A MEMORY of their loved one.  My heart LIFTS when someone talks about Max.
• Offer to take a walk with them.  Exercise is one of the things that is a constant benefit, but is *so* hard to feel like doing when you feel like your heart is full of lead!
• If they have other children, do something special for them.  Take the child out for ice cream, or just call or text that kiddo. 
• Drop by and offer an hour if you have it ... there is probably a load of laundry you can run or a dust rag or vacuum. 
• Offer tangible help at holidays.  I would not have had a Christmas tree up this year if my wonderful friends hadn't come by and helped me put it up. 
• Remember the birthday and the death day and be sure to send a message of love on those days especially.

I am sure there are a hundred other creative things you can do to help a grieving person.  Do NOT say "if you need anything, call"  because they will not.  Just do it.