Progress!

Two noteworthy items that might demonstrate some major strides in the grieving process I wanted to share...

Right after Max died, each one of my family members reviewed our last moments and words with him.  For me personally, I felt incredibly LUCKY that the last words we shared were of love.  There were way too many times in his teenage years where he would be lippy or moody and would leave the house grumpy.  And for many weeks and months after his death, our family would FRANTICALLY make sure that the very last thing we said to each other ANY TIME we were apart was "I love you", multiple times a day, it would have bordered on hilarious if it wasn't so sad.  Now we are still careful to say loving words as when we part, but we've lost the FRANTIC part.  It's much more natural.  And we aren't thinking "they could DIE before I see them again" each time we part.  (Okay, maybe a little bit).

I have not attended my moms group in a couple of sessions.  I feel like I'm ready to fly away from the nest.  When Max first died, this group was the only thing I would get out of bed for in a week!  I look back and wonder how I managed to drive to and from Hutchinson in my grief fog.  I know for a fact I cried all the way there and all the way home most of the time - HARD!!  I can hardly believe I have graduated from needing it like I needed air at the beginning of my grief walk.  I marvel at the healing that took place and how far I came in that wonderful group.  I will be back for visits for awhile, but I think I am giving up my membership. :)

I know and understand the discouragement and pain when I hear another grieving mom say "it will never get better".  But I know the truth that time and grief work has shown me.  It CAN be better.  If you are measuring your life by what you had before your child died, you will never be happy again.  Don't use that yard stick.  It won't be the same, but it can be good again.  Praise God.