Looked up the definition for sabbatical when I decided to close my business for a period and put that label on my choice, and the dictionary says it's "any extended period of leave from one's customary work, especially for rest." For a productive, type-A personality like myself, REST is like learning a foreign language!! I've been a stay-at-home mom before, so I can fill some of my time with "stay-at-home" mom activities like taking care of the house, running Wesley around, making sure we have meals prepared, laundry, etc. - which I *love*. But eventually, that is all caught up! So I find myself asking "what do I DO"? What falls under "rest" and "taking care of myself"?
It's actually quite a profound question at this time in my life. I am through the acute phase of grief and actively in the re-building that comes with acceptance. Finding out who I am and what I have now that I have a child missing from this earth. What do I still like now that the grief process has burned away so much fluff in my life? What kind of future do I want now that I will forever be a "bereaved parent"? I am learning that most days, I can miss Max without missing out on my life. I can fill it with purpose and hope in spite of my great loss. Some things I am trying no longer fit. How could they? My life has changed so drastically since 8/6/10. So what do I do? Take a walk. Take a nap. Read a book. Start a bible study. Drop my plans for the day and go help a friend in need. Go get a pedicure. Blog. Spend time getting to know God again as more than "comforter".
Figuring out who I am and what I like is very strange at 43. Scary. Rewarding. Dare I say, fun?
1 comment:
I am so sorry about the passing of Max from Earth. Yes, he will always be, you just won't read the expressions on his face as you did. Normal is indeed gone, but your love for those here, and your love for Max will help you make the best use of the time here. With very best wishes.
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