Tonight at my moms grief support group, we did a worksheet on all the good things we deserve in spite of our loss. For those who have never experienced the loss of a child, this concept may seem strange ... why would we feel like we deserve less because of the death of our child? There are many feelings that tie into this ... that you do not feel if you lose a parent or a grandparent, these feelings seem unique to the loss of a child.
The first is guilt - somehow as a protector and provider for your child, you have failed them because you could not save them from death. This hits at the very core of your identity as a parent. Even if there is absolutely no truth to the guilt and there is nothing that you could have done to prevent the death, you still feel this guilt.
The second is betrayal - you feel like by doing something fun or good, you are betraying the person who died by going on without them.
The third is more guilt - how can I possibly do this *fun* activity - my child is dead! Does that make me a bad parent? A bad person? Because I am choosing to do something for myself??
These are not unusual or strange - they are *extremely* common for a grieving parent. And yet, people express "concern" for us when we voice these feelings because they seem abnormal. That only further isolates us and makes us feel even more like freaks because we must be weird or something, when in fact, EVERY GRIEVING PARENT feels these feelings.
We simply have to tell ourselves the truth at first until we start believing it again - we DO deserve good things and fun things in our life. God does not intend for our season of sorrow to last until we take our last breath. We are allowed to heal and find peace and joy again. Don't settle for less!
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