Friendship

Received this message a couple of days ago ..... "I was thinking of you this morning and how it has nearly been one year since Max has been gone. My chest gets tight just typing those unfair words. Well, I wondered if you had plans for the 6th. I (we) want to be here for you however you need us to be. We can keep you busy, just hang out and play apples to apples again, go for a walk, swing by for coffee, or just give you space. Just let me know. Love you guys. (hugs)"

This friend has been there from the very beginning of this horrible journey.  She brought me food, coffee, friendship, ran errands for me, took me out of the house for walks, and has sent me notes all along the way.  She has given me so many opportunities to talk about my grief.   Max's death anniversary is less than two weeks away and we got this sweet note.  I am taking her up on it for sure.

Early in my grief journey, I was given a book called "Tear Soup", and in it, the book talks about when you are grieving a deep loss, you will lose friends, and gain new friends who understand.  When I first read that, I was defiant, thinking there was no way I would lose friends just because of Max's death.  I didn't want new friends, I liked my old ones just fine thank you.

There is certainly truth in those words.  However, it's not that I have truly LOST anyone, but each friend has differing levels of comfort when it comes to walking with me as I live in this much pain.  And they are processing loss too - the loss of a friend - ME - the old me is gone and will not be returning.  Some I have distanced myself from, and some are worth fighting for and I continue to reach out and help them gain understanding of what is like to live with such a hole in my family.

And the book was right, I have gained MANY new friends who have reached out to me.  Either for a short season while they met a need (such as bringing food to my family, or my grocery fairy!) or for the long haul.  People I only knew as casual friends have stepped up and become much more important to me as they persistently reach out for me, even when I am unable to reach back.   Instead of dwelling on the friends I have lost, I am choosing to focus on the friends who DO get it, and I have SO MANY.  Thank you Lord.  And I have gained an equal amount of friends who are also grieving their own children and who "get it" only because they are on this same path.  I didn't want to be friends with them either at first, because that would mean admitting that my son was really dead and I would have that in common with them ... oh man, my compassionate friends have become some of my most treasured friends.

I will never feel completely alone because God is faithful to bring friends into my life, both old and new, who will accept me right where I am.  As I approach the year mark of Max's death, I will be sharing a lot on my blog.  Thank you, friends, for walking with me and supporting me.  I need you!