Details of the day Max died

Just an update ... I had written a note many weeks ago that I was planning to talk to many of our friends and family to try and piece together the details and a time line on the day Max died.  I have been working on reconstructing that day in my memory during my counseling sessions lately as well.  There are still many pieces missing.  After talking to many different family and friends, I have come to the conclusion that *none* of us have an accurate picture or time line of that day!!  Each person I talk to remembers something different ... as to when people arrived and/or left ... as to what information they received and when!  I thought it would be like that story where each person describes an elephant based on what they are touching ... and then by the time I got each persons story together, I would have the full picture of the elephant.  But I seriously cannot get a coherent story that matches up details from any two people!  I certainly don't trust my own memories of that day.

I believe it is tied to the brain's chemical response to the traumatic news that Max did not survive the car accident.  I just read an article that states that changes occur in the chemical functioning of your brain during a traumatic event and you will feel symptoms through all five senses of your body. The chemical changes include adrenaline (fight or flight) or noradrenaline (freeze) surges. You will feel these strong chemicals effecting your body through hyper-sensitivity of taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing; blood loss to the digestive system; shortness of breath and elevated blood pressure, just to name a few.  The chemical changes caused by adrenaline or noradrenaline deeply engrave mental pathways into your brain.   (http://www.examiner.com/ptsd-in-seattle/ptsd-the-brain-s-response-to-a-traumatic-event if you want to read the whole article).  I very clearly remember the tingling sensation of the chemicals being released in my brain when I received the news (of course, I did not know at the time that is what was happening!)  That burning sensation was only the beginning of my physical response to the news.   I never thought that *each person* had some kind of chemical bath in their brain, not just the ones closest to Max, but everyone who responded to our family that day.  They wouldn't have been here if they didn't love Max & our family!!  Shock is designed to protect our brains, but it robs us of so many details ...

So, this side of heaven, I may never be able to piece together fully what happened that day.  My counselor thinks it is important that I do as much as possible.  We will see.