Most of you know that I have had a grocery fairy since Max died. She has flown in and taken over grocery shopping for me and saved me countless hours of grief in the grocery store. Feeling frustrated with myself for not being able to do the easiest of tasks, I decided I would go to the store myself today. ( Many people commented on my status last night, saying to be patient with myself, that 7 months is not nearly long enough to start feeling "normal" again ... thank you for those comments, it really does help me to remember it is a marathon, not a sprint).
But back to the store... grief landmines are waiting to happen ... the cosmic brownies I used to buy for Max ... the ramen noodles he ate so many of ... the cereal aisle is by far the worst ... he died wearing Lucky Charms boxer shorts, which were his absolute favorite ... they were in my laundry FREQUENTLY. I wonder if I will ever eat Lucky Charms again.
I think part of the reason the grocery store is so hard is because this is one of the ways I have always provided for (and given love to) my boys. Making sure they always had their favorite foods on hand. And that was something that died with Max - his favorite foods that no longer need to come to my house. I really only had one break down and cry moment ... I mentally switched gears several times to avoid tears. One perk to shopping this way - I was so sick to my stomach by the time I hit the bakery that nothing looked good! Just the opposite of shopping hungry!!
I don't think I will give up my grocery fairy for good yet ... but I guess if I never put my toes in the water, I will never know when I am ready to swim again!
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