Would I have said YES? Of course!

One of the things I have been thinking about is if before I was even pregnant with Max, if God  would have said "I have an amazing child for your family.  You will only have him for eighteen years, but he will enrich and change your life for the better in many ways.  You will grieve deeply when I call him to heaven and the pain will not leave you until you are called to heaven as well someday.  Will you accept this child for eighteen years?"  My steadfast answer would have been a resounding YES.  OF COURSE I WILL TAKE HIM FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS.  HE IS WORTH ANY AMOUNT OF PAIN AND SORROW LATER.

Of course, God doesn't tell us how long we have our loved ones for.  If He had, I would have done many things differently.  I would have stayed a "stay at home" mom the entire eighteen years.  I would have spoken more kindly and loved more freely.  I would have spent more time with him!!!   But I probably would have smothered the poor kid, especially his last few months if I had known that the end was coming.  I would have not let him try new adventures.  I would have not let him become independent and thus turn into the wonderful adult man he was becoming.  Yes, God is wise not to share these things with us, no matter how much we look back and WISH WE KNEW that our time with that person was coming to an end.

Lord, please help me rest and accept that Max was supposed to be here for eighteen years.  I loved him and did the best I could knowing as little as I did.  Please help me trust that You know what you are doing, even though I did not get to enjoy Max here on earth the rest of my life here.   I do trust you, Lord, and I do know that You are Sovereign, and You know better than I.

Proverbs 3:5 & 6 - "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."