Wanting Normal, but it is gone...

Tonight, I was processing the 12 week mark, the last time I heard Max's voice, the last time I saw him alive.  Todd & I usually process together each night for a little while, but tonight I waited too late and hit Todd when he was beyond tired and he snapped at me.  I burst into tears.  He said he wanted just one day of "normal".  I laughed cynically and said "good luck with that one"!!  NORMAL DIED WITH MAX.  I have said it all along.  I am having a hard time understanding how I am supposed to live the rest of my life without Max in it.  It's too long.  12 weeks seems so long, and yet in the big scheme of things, it's a very small amount of time.  Todd & I made up, and now we are going to bed.  I hate waking up on Friday mornings.