Originally posted as a facebook note on 9/30/10 - These are the two words describing my current feelings - broken and grateful. I am not going to focus long on the 'broken' tonight but just to say I never knew that the physical body could endure such emotional pain and not literally explode and break apart. I was in the tub tonight just trying to get the water hot enough to relax my muscles and when I couldn't get it any hotter, I just let it all out and cried so hard. I was crying out to God, begging for some relief, even if it's only temporary, from this excruciating pain I am in with no end in sight.
And as I continued my bath, He brought it to me in the form of gratefulness for the financial gifts He has sent our way.
I shared on my status that we have the money together to finish paying off Max's funeral. The insurance, although generous, left us with $3,000 to pay on our own. (I have to say, without that $12,000 from the insurance, we would have never been able to have the kind of funeral we wanted and needed for Max and ourselves). Todd & I have struggled greatly in our businesses this year and were still trying to regroup our finances when this happened. Here is part of how we are paying that balance:
And a note about gratefulness for financial blessings would be incomplete if I didn't include the babechicks and the breadheads, our wonderful Emmaus reunion groups. In addition to everything they did for us that first week with food and physical help, they put together an envelope full of cash for whenever Todd and I finally felt like we needed to get away. I had mentioned this in last night's note, but didn't elaborate. I do not know how much is in there. There are specific instructions not to open it until we are ready for our trip, and not to spend it on anything BUT getting away.
In enormous pain, God is still here, and I am still listening and clinging desperately to Him. Thank you, friends, for reaching out to us with God's financial provisions.
And as I continued my bath, He brought it to me in the form of gratefulness for the financial gifts He has sent our way.
I shared on my status that we have the money together to finish paying off Max's funeral. The insurance, although generous, left us with $3,000 to pay on our own. (I have to say, without that $12,000 from the insurance, we would have never been able to have the kind of funeral we wanted and needed for Max and ourselves). Todd & I have struggled greatly in our businesses this year and were still trying to regroup our finances when this happened. Here is part of how we are paying that balance:
- Someone who cleaned out her purse and gave us whatever cash she was carrying to put in our sympathy card.
- A couple that Todd worked with years ago who sent us a beautiful card expressing that they wanted to and intended to give Max money for his college graduation, just as they had his high school graduation, but asked us to accept it for his funeral expenses instead and allow them to honor him in this way.
- Someone who sacrificed her own birthday and Christmas money from last year so she could give it tearfully to us to help pay for Max's funeral expenses.
- Parents who dipped deeply into their savings, into their vacation and retirement money to give us the gift of the balance.
- Friends, who also have experienced loss in their past and knew what was ahead, who sent money or quietly handed it to us in the past eight weeks.
And a note about gratefulness for financial blessings would be incomplete if I didn't include the babechicks and the breadheads, our wonderful Emmaus reunion groups. In addition to everything they did for us that first week with food and physical help, they put together an envelope full of cash for whenever Todd and I finally felt like we needed to get away. I had mentioned this in last night's note, but didn't elaborate. I do not know how much is in there. There are specific instructions not to open it until we are ready for our trip, and not to spend it on anything BUT getting away.
In enormous pain, God is still here, and I am still listening and clinging desperately to Him. Thank you, friends, for reaching out to us with God's financial provisions.
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