Originally posted as a facebook note 1/17/11 - I have been ready to crawl out of my skin today, up and down moodiness, crying .... Wesley is having a rough day today too. He went to a friends house to spend the night and Todd left for soccer, which left me alone in the house for the first time in days ... gave me some freedom to release some pain ...
Cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and the pantry, still on the quest of using up what I have rather than buying any new. This led me to discover some cleaning supplies that I didn't know I had - they were brought over the week Max died by caring friends and put under the sink. (Leads to crying...) I found more napkins - I may never have to buy them again!! I straightened the glasses and cups, which means putting the mis-matched ones UP HIGH. I thought I had gotten rid of most of them. So when I get up high, I see there are several cups that Max had put up there that were exclusively "his". (Leads to crying and stomping) WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THOSE CUPS? I can't USE them - they are Max's. I can't get rid of them - they are MAX'S. So I guess I will put them down in his room with all of his other things I have gathered all over the house. In the process of cleaning out the cabinets, I threw away several half eaten bags of chips, also left from the week Max died. (More crying)
Go downstairs to the supply closet. Notebooks that Max wrote in and discarded. Kleenex boxes from the week he died.
I am so tired of the reminders. I can SO see why people go to bed and throw the covers over their head and not want to deal with ANYTHING after a child dies. Absolutely everything seems to bring pain, even when you don't know it's going to. It's so unfair.
Cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and the pantry, still on the quest of using up what I have rather than buying any new. This led me to discover some cleaning supplies that I didn't know I had - they were brought over the week Max died by caring friends and put under the sink. (Leads to crying...) I found more napkins - I may never have to buy them again!! I straightened the glasses and cups, which means putting the mis-matched ones UP HIGH. I thought I had gotten rid of most of them. So when I get up high, I see there are several cups that Max had put up there that were exclusively "his". (Leads to crying and stomping) WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THOSE CUPS? I can't USE them - they are Max's. I can't get rid of them - they are MAX'S. So I guess I will put them down in his room with all of his other things I have gathered all over the house. In the process of cleaning out the cabinets, I threw away several half eaten bags of chips, also left from the week Max died. (More crying)
Go downstairs to the supply closet. Notebooks that Max wrote in and discarded. Kleenex boxes from the week he died.
I am so tired of the reminders. I can SO see why people go to bed and throw the covers over their head and not want to deal with ANYTHING after a child dies. Absolutely everything seems to bring pain, even when you don't know it's going to. It's so unfair.
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