Getting Over It

Originally posted 2/15/11 as a facebook note - Nothing angers a grieving heart more than the phrase "get over it".   Friendships and family members have been lost over that phrase or even that implication ... I have read OVER and OVER on the grief discussion boards that you NEVER GET OVER losing a child.  ****I reject that****

You never get over your LOVE for that child or your desire to be a parent to that child, they will always be a part of you and you will always have a part with them.   Part of a parent LITERALLY dies with a child, as does the life that you had planned with that child.  Those are facts that never change, there is no getting over or around them.

BUT I plan on getting over THE PAIN of living without Max and THE HORROR of his death.  THAT I WILL GET OVER.  Or what is the point of grief work?  What is the point of support groups and journaling and going to the cemetery and healing rituals .... working through all those wrenching feelings??  What is the point if not to find healing and a time where I can live in peace and sunshine again?  I do not plan on living the rest of my life in this hole of darkness and pain!

Wesley & I were discussing this concept today in the car ... YES, we will always miss Max.  But we are starting to have moments of peace again ... we are starting to not feel the pain consuming us 24 hours a day.  It has nothing to do with how we valued Max, but rather that we are successfully dealing with the PAIN that comes along with losing someone so close.

I am not naive enough to believe that because we are having moments of peace that we are healed and will no longer need grief work or go through mourning ... it is a roller coaster ride.  But oh, I am so thankful that healing from the pain is possible.