The Week of the Funeral

I wish I had known some things then that I know now ...

Don't make ANY decisions that first week.  I stressed out seeing all of Max's laundry on the floor, so I scooped it up and washed it all.  How I regret that one small action that I can *never* get back.  The smell of my son on his clothing ... washed away.

Whatever you "do" or "plan" as part of the funeral will forever be associated with that death.  I put some of my favorite Christian songs into a mix to be played as people were being seated, and now I cannot even hear those songs without becoming physically sick to my stomach.  Same with food I ate, clothes I wore, things I took to the funeral home.  They are forever tainted with that horrendous week of my life.

Be pushy - don't let others tell you what you can and cannot do.  I wish I had insisted on seeing my son before he was returned to Wichita.  It was three days that he laid in the morgue 2 hours away.  I didn't get to see him until he was in a casket, all made up with makeup and wax.  So in my mind, he went from perfectly fine to laying in a casket, many pieces and parts missing because of the organ/tissue donation and the autopsy.  I wish I had insisted on an opportunity to see him before that, while he was still "whole".  Many moms are told they "shouldn't" see their kids because of the condition of the body - I say WHATEVER.  I brought that kid into the world, I need to see how he left it.