Originally posted as a facebook note on 9/9/10 - I have heard it said that you don't learn anything NEW about God in a major life crisis, but you fall back on what you already KNEW. I think that must be because the capacity to retain anything is greatly diminished! I heard a statistic that says you literally lose 10 points off your IQ in deep grief! I can't keep track of what day it is, or whether I ate last meal time, much less learn anything new!!
I am so so so glad I have the foundation with God that I have!! Because here is what I KNOW and have seen anew since Max died:
God is in control! Psalm 139:16 - before one day of mine came to be, it was written in His book - He knows the number of my days (and of Max's days) He knew how long Max would walk on this earth, it was and is all in His control.
God provides for the needs of all living things, like the birds out on my deck ... why should I wonder if He will provide for me! They never wonder where their next meal comes from or how they will get around or whether it is hot or cold!
God controls the weather! Deep, deep in my grief, I asked God if He could give me a sign to assure me that Max was with Him in heaven. I know I shouldn't test God, and I know what I know about Max and his character, as well as knowing that he professed salvation. But Max was beginning a season of 'running' as he was getting ready to leave for college. And he didn't tell us the truth about the trip that ended up taking his life. These things left lingering doubts in a mama's heart. Out of His great love and compassion for me, He sent a thunderstorm that was localized over the west side of Wichita at exactly the time the viewing started for Max. I was standing outside at the mortuary crying and praising Him and thanking Him. I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT THUNDER WAS MY SIGN - that Max was with Him and that HE HAS HIM. Now when I hear thunder, I will always think of Max up there drumming and praising God.
God understands suffering! He sent His only Son down to earth, watched Him go through every human trial and temptation, watched Him suffer so so much physically as He was dying on the cross. He watched His Son weep and mourn with His friends. As a loving Father, He understands why I hurt for life without Max.
Because of God's sacrifice, I will see Max again in heaven.
God is bigger than I will ever understand! I do not understand why we all have to suffer and grieve from the separation of Max. I do not understand, but I cannot possibly because I do not see the big picture, which brings me to my next, most important point
GOD CAN BE TRUSTED! He knows my every thought, the number of hairs on my head, my sin and weakness, and He made a way for me to spend eternity with Him through sending HIS SON. Because I believe this promise, He comforts me, He reedms me, He sends me peace, He reveals truth, He supplies my needs, HE IS LOVE and HE IS GOOD. I have always trusted Him, I have not always shown that I get this concept.
I claim it and rest in it through the moments where I cannot stand the pain, where my body is being ripped in two by mourning, where I feel like life here on earth is truly too hard, I WILL HOLD ON TO IT FOR DEAR LIFE. God is trustworthy, in control, and "gets me". Thank you Jesus.
I have to modify my note and make one addition that God brought to mind later today - Romans 8:28 - God works all things for good - I have seen God use Max's death to heal relationships, to bring people back to Him, and countless other ways that I have seen God's power in using this tragedy for good.
I am so so so glad I have the foundation with God that I have!! Because here is what I KNOW and have seen anew since Max died:
God is in control! Psalm 139:16 - before one day of mine came to be, it was written in His book - He knows the number of my days (and of Max's days) He knew how long Max would walk on this earth, it was and is all in His control.
God provides for the needs of all living things, like the birds out on my deck ... why should I wonder if He will provide for me! They never wonder where their next meal comes from or how they will get around or whether it is hot or cold!
God controls the weather! Deep, deep in my grief, I asked God if He could give me a sign to assure me that Max was with Him in heaven. I know I shouldn't test God, and I know what I know about Max and his character, as well as knowing that he professed salvation. But Max was beginning a season of 'running' as he was getting ready to leave for college. And he didn't tell us the truth about the trip that ended up taking his life. These things left lingering doubts in a mama's heart. Out of His great love and compassion for me, He sent a thunderstorm that was localized over the west side of Wichita at exactly the time the viewing started for Max. I was standing outside at the mortuary crying and praising Him and thanking Him. I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT THUNDER WAS MY SIGN - that Max was with Him and that HE HAS HIM. Now when I hear thunder, I will always think of Max up there drumming and praising God.
God understands suffering! He sent His only Son down to earth, watched Him go through every human trial and temptation, watched Him suffer so so much physically as He was dying on the cross. He watched His Son weep and mourn with His friends. As a loving Father, He understands why I hurt for life without Max.
Because of God's sacrifice, I will see Max again in heaven.
God is bigger than I will ever understand! I do not understand why we all have to suffer and grieve from the separation of Max. I do not understand, but I cannot possibly because I do not see the big picture, which brings me to my next, most important point
GOD CAN BE TRUSTED! He knows my every thought, the number of hairs on my head, my sin and weakness, and He made a way for me to spend eternity with Him through sending HIS SON. Because I believe this promise, He comforts me, He reedms me, He sends me peace, He reveals truth, He supplies my needs, HE IS LOVE and HE IS GOOD. I have always trusted Him, I have not always shown that I get this concept.
I claim it and rest in it through the moments where I cannot stand the pain, where my body is being ripped in two by mourning, where I feel like life here on earth is truly too hard, I WILL HOLD ON TO IT FOR DEAR LIFE. God is trustworthy, in control, and "gets me". Thank you Jesus.
I have to modify my note and make one addition that God brought to mind later today - Romans 8:28 - God works all things for good - I have seen God use Max's death to heal relationships, to bring people back to Him, and countless other ways that I have seen God's power in using this tragedy for good.
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