I have been told by other parents who have lost children that this raw pain does eventually get better. I was talking tonight with another mom who lost her beautiful 18 year old daughter in a car wreck six weeks ago, and told her that we both just have to hang on and hope that is true!
One of the kids Max graduated with was killed in a car wreck today. Of course, this brought every feeling and emotion flooding right back. Another family going through what we went through that horrible first day. Another mama, having to lay her head on the pillow tonight and cry herself to sleep because her son is now gone. Those wonderful students at Heights having to deal with another loss, another hole in the stable universe. These things are hard enough for ADULTS to process, much less teenagers!! I hurt for them so much.
The world stopped turning for me on 8/6/10. The last few days, I have felt the world begin slowly to turn again, that my grief is not so all consuming that I cannot function. This makes me feel like I am betraying Max, leaving him behind. I know that is not rational, but it is how I feel. In some ways, the pain is getting WORSE as time goes on, because the numbness is wearing off and this is our normal now - life without Max and with this heavy burden.
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