Living in a season of deep grief can be so overwhelming!! Just thinking about everything that needs done in one day can cause complete meltdown. I used to live by my 'to do' list, and now, I can hardly care whether I have brushed my hair or if there is any food in the house, much less if anything gets done on a stupid 'to do' list. Come to think of it, I threw away that list a couple of weeks after Max died and I stopped making any new ones. The expectation level for myself is so drastically different. Just a 15 minute walk in the sunshine is a reason to do the victory dance, because I made a choice for self-care instead of laying in bed all day. (Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with laying in bed all day, I have done that too!)
Originally posted as a facebook note on 10/14/10 - The best advice I have received during this time of loss: just do the next thing. Don't think about the 5 or 10 or 20 things ahead that need done. Don't think about how you are going to live through the holidays without your loved one. Don't think about the weeks, months, and years ahead. Just do the next thing. That is what I did today, and I made it through a full day of work!! I got up. I got ready. I broke down the tasks as best I could into short-term goals. I went to lunch. I went back and worked on short-terms goals, I just did the next thing. And time passed. The day went by, things got done. This wasn't my first try at working all day. This is the third time I've tried it, and I was finally able to calm my anxiety to a place of functioning for several hours. Having an understanding co-worker helps immensely, she listens, she cries with me, she talks me through!
Just do the next thing. I don't have to feel overwhelmed, because I am only choosing to do one task - the next thing. Whatever that may be. I can do that! (Max has been gone 10 weeks, wow.)
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