New Grief Vocabulary

So interesting that the Compassionate Friends question of the day on facebook revolves around a grief vocabulary and how your interpretation of words change when you are grieving a child, because I have been writing in my journal about this exact subject and kicking it around in my brain for a few days.  I thought I would share some of the ones that really touched my heart as I read the responses, summarize the many responses that were heard over and over, and throw my own crazy ideas in too.

"Anniversary" - my days are now measured in days my son has been gone... Almost the one year anniversary :( that word no longer means a celebration to me... (Terry)

"Closure" - this particular word really angers bereaved parents.  There is no such thing as closure in the death of a child.  Goes along with "Get Over" - this isn't the flu, we aren't going to ever "get over" it.

"Empty" - It used to describe... a physical state of an object...now it describes part of my soul and spirit... (Suzanna)

"Grief" - Grief is not temporary state of being sad when someone dies and then it's done. Didn't really change for me even when my dad died... Now, it means a new way to learn to exist. It means realities that have come to stay - much like if there had had an amputation. And like that, we learn to live with that constant reality. We learn to let hope and joy co-exist among side grief. Like parts of a song.  (Laurie)

"Happy" - over and over I read how grieving parents do not ever wish anyone "Happy Birthday" or "Happy New Year" - they have changed the word to "peaceful" because they do not believe in complete happiness without their child.

"Lost" - many bereaved parents get upset when someone says they "lost" a child - the child isn't lost, the child is dead.
This one doesn't bother me so much because, for me, we DID lose Max here on earth.

"Normal" - as you have all heard me say - "normal died with Max".  This concept seems to resonate with many bereaved parents.  They will never be "normal" again.  In the grief process, you hear about the "new normal" with your child dead ... but the definition of 'normal' is that we will never have it again.

"Surviving" - used to mean I had enough food, shelter, clothes. now it means I made it another day without my daughter, I didn't lose my mind, end my life, and I got out of bed. (Cathy)

I no longer say ...' i love you to death' instead i say- i love you beyond death. (Kelly)

Also, kota press has a "dictionary of loss words" that can be found at - http://kotapress.com/section_home/dictionary_A-B.htm .  Some of them I do not agree with, (like angel date - according to Scripture, angels are CREATED BEINGS, Max did NOT become an angel when he died!) but it was interesting reading!

I have to say, I don't like this new vocabulary.  But many in my world speak it now, and I get it.