Theology & Grief

Originally written as a facebook note on 10/9/10 - Theology has no place in fresh grief.  Let me explain what I mean, and if you disagree with me, please do so kindly, as I am still IN fresh grief. I hope I can convey what I mean without offense.  But this is so important, I simply must try.

I am a bible believing Christian.  I believe I have a firm grasp on what the bible says about death and what that means for Max now that he has left this earth.  I have studied my theology, I have dug through scriptures. I understand truth as best I can with the Holy Spirit's help.  I have said it before, and will say it again, that when you are in a crisis, you do not learn anything NEW about God, you fall back on what you know.  Everyone is at a different place in their faith walk, so we all have differing levels of what we understand to fall back on.

There are so many misguided feelings and beliefs about what happens after death.  And there is a time and place to teach what is true.  But fresh grief is NOT that time.  I believe that now more than ever.  I have seen that even with the purest motives (which most humans do not have), that attempt at teaching theology in a time of great pain only wounds.  What it really does is ROB SOMEONE OF COMFORT.

We personally had this happen to us a few days after Max died.  And although I have been able to let it go and add it to the pile of 'dumb things people say when they don't know any better', another close family member is holding the grudge and may not be able to let it go.

Because we know theology, but were robbed of comfort in that moment where we needed it.

Scripture is often good in grief, but only to comfort, not rebuke.  And truly, who are YOU to say you have the answers that only God knows and we may know when we leave this earth and get to eternity.   Stop and THINK about the time and place, is this really it?  The answer is NO.  There will be time, as time goes on, and grief changes, to talk theology.   But now is not that time.